Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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