I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
