TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize