I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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