omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
