You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
