Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
