I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
