Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
