Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
