Your face is a jimmy john
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
