You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
