hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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