Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
