I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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