i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Vodka?
Forever.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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