My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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