Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
