The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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