I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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