Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
