My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
