i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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