Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
