In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
