Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you had me at cake vodka
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
