This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
