If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
