grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
