Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
