we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
