I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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