You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
