pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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