Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
