dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
