I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
