Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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