now i know why i became what i already was.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
