When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
okay pat passed out under dana's car
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
