WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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