Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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