he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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