We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
