I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
