was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
