I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
