Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
