i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
