I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
