Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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