Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
