call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
