Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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