Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
