The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
