when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Only a mothe r could love this liver
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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