Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
