Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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