Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I have post one night stand depression
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