he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
