I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
