theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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