I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
