My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
