You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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