and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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