Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
