Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
