Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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