Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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