my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
