i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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