all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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